Dependability test for couples
Do you show up when it counts, or do promises float away? 8 questions to measure whether you're people each other can truly count on.
Dependability in a relationship is the ability to show up when needed, keep promises, and be consistent between what is said and what is done. It is the silent foundation on which all emotional trust is built. This test measures it across four dimensions in 8 questions.
What is dependability in a relationship?
Dependability isn't just fidelity — it's the ability to be positively predictable, to do what you say, and to show up when the situation calls for it. John Gottman describes it as part of "trust" in his models, built through hundreds of small decisions to prioritize the other person. When it fails, no grand betrayal is needed: the accumulation of small unrepaired disappointments is enough.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds points to a total and to four dimensions: follow-through, showing up, consistency, and completion. Your score is the percentage of the maximum. The breakdown shows where the main failure lies.
All the quiz questions
When your partner says they'll do something, how many times out of ten do they actually do it?
In a tough moment — a bad diagnosis, a work crisis, a loss — has your partner truly been there?
Is your partner's behavior predictable in a good way — you know what to expect in similar situations?
If your partner starts something — a household task, a project, a commitment to you — do they finish it?
Does your partner remember what's important to you without you having to remind them?
When your partner promises to change something that affects you, what happens?
Can you ask your partner for practical help — running an errand, picking someone up, solving a problem — and trust they'll handle it?
Do you feel you can count on your partner not only when it's convenient, but also when it costs something?
- The Gottman Institute — trust, presence, and "turning toward"
- Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. — The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Johnson, S. — Hold Me Tight (adult attachment theory and availability)
Frequently asked questions
Can dependability be improved?
Yes. Start by promising less and delivering more. Dependability is built through small, sustained commitments — not sporadic grand gestures.
What if I'm the one who doesn't follow through well?
Recognizing it is already a step. Prioritize quality over quantity in commitments: better to say "I can't" than to promise and fail. Then choose one small thing, deliver on it, and observe the effect on the relationship.
How does low dependability affect a relationship?
It creates hypervigilance, emotional exhaustion, and difficulty relaxing with the other person. Over time the affected partner starts managing alone to avoid depending on someone who fails, creating distance even where love exists.
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.