Emotional availability test: are you truly open?
Are you truly there when your partner needs you, or are there walls and distractions pushing you away? 8 questions to measure your emotional presence.
Emotional availability is the ability to be present, open, and receptive for the other person when they need it — without retreating into distraction, silence, or armor. It's not about being available 24/7: it's about when you're there, you're really there. This test measures four dimensions — openness, presence, receptivity, and expression — to help you see if there are walls you didn't know you had.
What is emotional availability?
Emotional availability is being present, open, and receptive when the relationship needs it: in difficult conversations, in moments of vulnerability, in everyday life. It's not about never having moments of closure — everyone has them — but about those moments not becoming the usual pattern. Attachment research (Bowlby, Ainsworth) shows that feeling the other person is emotionally available is one of the foundations of security in a relationship.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds to a 0–100 total and to four dimensions: emotional openness (how much you open up), presence (how truly present you are when you're there), receptivity (how much you tolerate the other's emotion), and expression (how much you communicate what you feel). The breakdown indicates which dimension to work on first.
All the quiz questions
When your partner wants to talk about something emotional, how do you react?
How easily do you share what you truly feel — fears, doubts, needs — with your partner?
When your partner is having a hard time, can you set aside your own things and be present for them?
How does your body respond when a conversation gets emotionally intense?
Are there emotional topics you've built a wall around inside the relationship?
Can you say "I love you", "I'm sorry", or "I need you" with ease?
When your partner expresses a strong emotion (crying, distress, anger), how do you feel?
Would your partner say they feel you're emotionally accessible and present?
- Bowlby, J. — A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development
- Biringen, Z. — Emotional Availability (EA) Scales (emotional availability as a measurable construct)
- The Gottman Institute — presence and emotional connection
Frequently asked questions
Is emotional availability innate or learned?
It's learned. It's closely related to the attachment style developed in childhood, but adult attachment is malleable. Therapy, secure relationships, and conscious practice develop it.
Can I be emotionally available if I'm introverted?
Yes. Emotional availability isn't about extroversion or how much you talk — it's about the quality of your presence when you're there. Introverts often offer deep, genuine listening.
What do I do if my partner isn't emotionally available?
First, talk about it with empathy rather than accusation ("When I bring up something difficult I feel you disconnect, and that leaves me alone"). If the pattern repeats and causes sustained distress, consider couples therapy.
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.