Self-love test: how much do you value yourself?
Does your worth depend on how your partner sees you, or does it come from within? 8 questions to measure your self-love, with or without a relationship.
Self-love isn't narcissism or selfishness — it's the ability to treat yourself with the same care and respect you'd give someone you love deeply. In a relationship, self-love matters enormously: people who value themselves little tend to tolerate the intolerable or depend on the other to feel whole. This test measures four pillars of self-love — self-esteem, self-respect, self-care, and emotional independence — in 8 questions. You can take it alone or with your partner.
What is self-love and why does it matter in a relationship?
Self-love is the relationship you have with yourself: how you talk to yourself, what you tolerate, how you care for yourself, and how much your worth depends on others' opinions. In a relationship, healthy self-love is the difference between choosing someone because you want them and needing someone because you don't feel whole without them. People who value themselves are more capable of setting limits, receiving criticism without crumbling, and leaving harmful dynamics when they appear. You can take this test alone or with your partner as a starting point for an honest conversation.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds to a 0–100 total and to four dimensions: self-esteem (perception of one's own worth), self-respect (what you tolerate and what you don't), self-care (how you treat yourself), and emotional independence (how much your well-being depends on the other). The breakdown shows which of the four pillars needs the most attention.
All the quiz questions
Do you feel you deserve love and dignified treatment, regardless of what your partner thinks?
When your partner criticizes or belittles you, what happens inside?
Do you take care of your physical, emotional, or social well-being even if your partner doesn't join you?
Do you have interests, friendships, or projects of your own outside the relationship?
Can you set what you won't accept in the relationship without feeling selfish?
Does your mood depend a lot on how the relationship is going at any given moment?
Do you talk to yourself kindly when you make a mistake?
If your relationship ended tomorrow, how do you imagine your long-term well-being?
- Kristin Neff — Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
- Walter Riso — Enamórate de ti (self-esteem and self-love)
- Brené Brown — The Gifts of Imperfection
Frequently asked questions
Does having self-love mean I don't need my partner?
No. Healthy self-love doesn't eliminate the need for connection — it puts it in perspective. It means you choose the other because you want them, not because you can't function without them. That makes love freer and more sustainable.
Can self-esteem improve without therapy?
Yes, though therapy speeds up the process. Self-compassion books, mindfulness practice, journaling, and surrounding yourself with people who treat you well are all effective starting points.
I scored low — does that mean I'm emotionally dependent?
Not necessarily. A low score indicates areas of self-love worth strengthening, not a diagnostic label. It's an invitation to observe yourself and, if you notice patterns that harm you, to seek professional support.
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.