Daily connection test for couples
Big crises don't destroy relationships — ignoring the small daily connection moments does. 8 questions to see how you're doing at that level.
John Gottman found that lasting couples don't make grand epic gestures — they make small bids for connection throughout the day and receive them. A genuinely heard "how was your day?", a hug at the door, a reply to a message can be as powerful as a trip together. This test measures how alive those daily rituals are in your relationship.
What are Gottman's "bids for connection"?
John Gottman and his team observed thousands of couples and found that the key difference between those that last and those that don't isn't in the big moments — it's in how they respond to small everyday bids for connection. A bid can be a comment, a look, a question, a touch. The partner can "turn toward" (respond), "turn away" (ignore), or "turn against" (reject). Satisfied couples turn toward each other 86% of the time; those heading for divorce, only 33%.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds points to a total and to four dimensions: daily rituals, responding to bids for connection, emotional presence, and initiating connection. Your score is the percentage of the maximum. The breakdown shows whether the weakness is in initiating, responding, or consistency.
All the quiz questions
Do you have a greeting or farewell ritual you follow almost every day (kiss goodbye, hug hello, etc.)?
When your partner shares something — a story, a detail from their day, something they're worried about — what do you do?
How many genuine connection messages (not just logistics) do you exchange on a typical day?
Do you have a regular time of day you use to reconnect (screen-free dinner, morning coffee, a walk)?
When your partner makes a small bid to connect — brushes your arm, winks, sends a meme — do you respond?
Do you ask how their day went and truly listen to the answer?
If your partner tries to connect and you're busy, what do you usually do?
At the end of the week, do you feel you've been truly connected or just coexisting?
- Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. — The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Gottman, J. M. — The Relationship Cure (bids for connection and turning toward)
- The Gottman Institute — longitudinal research on relationship satisfaction
Frequently asked questions
What is a "bid for connection"?
Any attempt, however small, to seek attention, affirmation, or contact with a partner: from a comment about the weather to an unexpected hug. Gottman found that how bids are responded to predicts relationship satisfaction better than most other factors.
What if we're both very busy?
Daily connection doesn't require much time: what matters is that the moments you do have are genuine. One minute of real presence is worth more than an hour of distracted co-presence.
Why do small rituals matter so much?
Because they create a predictable pattern of mutual care. The brain regulates better when it knows it can count on the other person. Daily rituals are the most efficient way to keep that pattern alive.
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.