Emotional intimacy test for couples
Do you truly know each other, or just coexist? 8 questions to measure the depth of emotional closeness you share.
Emotional intimacy is feeling truly known and accepted by your partner: being vulnerable without fear, counting on their presence in hard moments, and giving and receiving support naturally. This test measures four areas — vulnerability, feeling known, emotional support, and presence — and gives a 0–100 score. It doesn't measure physical desire: it measures closeness of heart.
What is emotional intimacy?
Emotional intimacy is the experience of feeling truly known and accepted: being able to show your less-perfect parts without fear of rejection, and knowing the other person will be present for what matters. It's distinct from physical intimacy, though the two feed each other.
Gottman's research on "love maps" — the detailed knowledge partners have of each other's inner world — shows this kind of closeness is a robust predictor of relationship satisfaction and durability. This test measures it across four dimensions without clinical diagnosis.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds to a total and to four dimensions: vulnerability, feeling known, emotional support, and presence. The score is the percentage of the maximum. The lowest-scoring dimensions indicate which area of closeness has the most room to grow.
All the quiz questions
Can you share your deepest fears or insecurities with your partner?
Do you feel your partner truly knows you, beyond what's visible?
When you're going through a hard time, is your partner present?
Do you have conversations that go beyond daily logistics?
Do you feel accepted as you are, without having to perform?
When your partner is struggling emotionally, how do you respond?
Do you remember and ask about things that matter to your partner (their family, their dreams)?
Do you feel emotional intimacy between you has grown over time?
- The Gottman Institute — love maps and emotional intimacy
- Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135.
- Brown, B. — Daring Greatly: the power of vulnerability
Frequently asked questions
Can emotional intimacy be recovered if it's been lost?
Yes. It rebuilds with small, consistent gestures: genuine questions, judgment-free listening, quality time without distractions. If the distance is large, couples therapy can speed things up considerably.
Is emotional intimacy the same as love?
It's one of love's most durable ingredients. For Sternberg, intimacy is the component that most predicts relationship longevity, more than passion.
Can we have emotional intimacy if we're very different?
Yes. Intimacy doesn't require identical personalities: it requires genuine curiosity about the other's inner world and enough safety to show your own.
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.