Generosity in relationship test
Do you give freely, or are you quietly keeping score? 8 questions to measure how generous you are with your time, attention, and energy.
Generosity in a relationship isn't just about gifts — it's about giving quality time, full attention, genuine effort, and support without expecting a receipt. This test measures four dimensions in 8 questions and gives you a 0–100 score. A low result isn't a verdict; it's an invitation to ask what's getting in the way of giving.
What is generosity in a relationship?
Generosity in a relationship goes far beyond material gifts. It means giving quality time, full attention without distractions, real effort at the moments that matter, and — above all — doing it without an internal scorecard. Research on relationships, including the Gottman Institute's work, shows that satisfied couples maintain at least a 5:1 ratio of connection moments to distance or conflict. Sustained generosity is one of the main sources of that ratio.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds points to a total and to four dimensions: time, attention, effort, and giving freely (no scorekeeping). Your score is the percentage of the maximum possible. The breakdown shows which dimension of generosity to focus on.
All the quiz questions
When your partner needs to talk, do you stop what you're doing?
How often do you do something for your partner without being asked?
When your partner gives you something — a hug, a favor, a gesture — do you feel you need to return the same amount?
In a typical week, how much undivided attention (no screens, no distractions) do you give your partner?
When your partner is exhausted, what do you do?
Do you remember and celebrate what matters to your partner (dates, projects, small wins)?
If your partner needs something that takes real effort (time, energy, money), how do you respond?
At the end of the day, do you feel your partner receives enough from you?
- The Gottman Institute — 5:1 ratio and bids for connection
- Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. — The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Frequently asked questions
Is giving too much bad for a relationship?
Healthy generosity doesn't exhaust or erase you. If you feel you give so much you lose yourself, it may be a pattern of people-pleasing or fear of rejection worth exploring, ideally with a professional.
What if I feel I give more than my partner?
First check whether that perception is objective or selective — we tend to remember what we give more than what we receive. Then talk about it: many imbalances are more about style than intention.
Can generosity be learned?
Yes. Start with small gestures and watch how the relationship responds. Generosity tends to generate more generosity; it's a cycle you can activate on purpose.
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.