Gratitude in relationship test
Do you truly appreciate each other, or take each other for granted? 8 questions to measure the gratitude that keeps love alive.
The fondness and admiration system is one of the pillars of the Gottman model: couples who express gratitude and admire each other have higher satisfaction and weather conflict better. This test measures four dimensions — active appreciation, verbal expression, admiration, and everyday gratitude — to see how present thankfulness is in your relationship.
Why does gratitude matter in a relationship?
John Gottman calls fondness and admiration one of the fundamental pillars of stable relationships: the capacity to see what's good in the other and express it. Couples who practice active gratitude have greater satisfaction, weather conflict better, and recover more easily. Conversely, when appreciation disappears, resentment and indifference grow. Gratitude isn't what remains when things go well: it's what keeps things well.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds to a total and to four dimensions (active appreciation, verbal expression, admiration, everyday gratitude). Your score reflects how much space mutual recognition occupies in your relationship. The breakdown shows which area to cultivate most.
All the quiz questions
How often do you tell your partner you appreciate something they did?
Are there things about your partner that you genuinely admire?
Do you notice and appreciate the small things your partner does for the relationship?
When your partner does something well, do you acknowledge it?
Do you say positive things to each other (not just on special occasions)?
Do you remember why you fell in love with your partner and hold that present?
Do you thank each other for things others would take for granted (cooking, listening, showing up)?
Do you feel your partner truly appreciates you?
- Gottman, J. & Silver, N. — The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Algoe, S. B. (2012). Find, remind, and bind: The functions of gratitude in everyday relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6(6), 455–469.
- Gordon, A. M. et al. (2012). To have and to hold: Gratitude promotes relationship maintenance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 103(2), 257–274.
Frequently asked questions
What if I no longer feel admiration for my partner?
Admiration can be recovered with willingness. A Gottman tool: ask yourself what attracted you at the beginning and look for how those qualities express themselves today. They often haven't disappeared — they just stopped being seen.
Do we have to express gratitude for things that are just their duty?
It's not about thanking as protocol — it's about genuinely acknowledging. Even everyday acts — cooking, listening, showing up — deserve to be seen. That isn't infantilizing: it's valuing.
How do we start if we don't have this habit?
The simplest approach works: one genuine 'thank you for this' a day, said with specificity ('I appreciate that you listened when I called'). Specificity shows you really noticed.
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.