Respect in relationship test
Respect isn't declared — it's shown in everyday moments. 8 questions to see whether you truly treat each other with boundaries, kindness, and equality.
Respect in a relationship goes beyond not insulting each other: it means honoring each other's boundaries, respecting autonomy, treating each other with everyday kindness, and maintaining equality in decisions. The Gottman Institute identifies contempt as the single strongest predictor of breakup. This test measures how present respect is in your day-to-day — not just in conflicts.
What is respect in a relationship?
Respect in a relationship isn't just about not insulting each other in an argument. It includes four everyday dimensions: boundaries (honoring what the other doesn't want or needs), autonomy (letting the other be and decide), everyday kindness (the warm treatment of each day, not just when it's easy), and equality (decisions and burdens shared fairly). The Gottman Institute identifies contempt — mockery, sarcasm, consistent disrespect — as the single strongest long-term predictor of breakup.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds to a total and to one or more dimensions (boundaries, autonomy, kindness, equality). The total score reflects the level of respect in the relationship; the breakdown shows which dimension needs the most attention.
All the quiz questions
When one of you sets a limit (needs alone time, doesn't want something), what happens?
Can each of you make decisions about your own life without asking permission?
How do you treat each other day-to-day, outside of conflicts?
In arguments, do insults, hurtful nicknames, or mockery appear?
Are each other's opinions considered when making decisions that affect you both?
Do you recognize and appreciate each other's everyday efforts?
Can each of you keep your own friendships, hobbies, and interests without it being an issue?
Are household tasks and shared responsibilities divided fairly?
- The Gottman Institute — contempt as a predictor of relationship dissolution
- Gottman, J. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown.
Frequently asked questions
Is fighting a sign of disrespect?
Not necessarily. Fighting is normal; what determines respect is how you fight: without contempt, without personal attacks, and with willingness to listen. The manner matters more than the conflict itself.
Is controlling someone out of love a form of respect?
No. Control — checking phones, limiting friendships, questioning every outing — isn't love: it's a form of domination that violates the other's autonomy. Love that respects doesn't need to control.
Can respect be rebuilt in a relationship?
Yes, with genuine willingness from both partners and, often, professional help. It requires recognizing the patterns that eroded it and changing them in a sustained way — not just promising to be better.
What about your relationship?
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