Relationship priorities test
Does your relationship get real time and energy, or does it always end up at the back of the queue? 8 questions to see where it truly ranks.
Saying the relationship is a priority isn't enough — real priorities are read in the calendar and the energy available. This test measures whether the relationship gets real time, genuine energy, presence, and conscious decisions, or whether it systematically ends up last. It's not a judgment; it's a mirror.
Why does it matter for the relationship to be a priority?
Priorities aren't declared — they're demonstrated. The Gottman Institute documented that satisfied couples act as if the relationship is an entity that needs active maintenance, not an asset that maintains itself. That means protected connection rituals, real presence (not just co-presence), and decisions that include the relationship's impact. It's not about always putting the relationship above everything else — it's about making sure it's never always last.
How your result is calculated
Each answer adds points to a total and to four dimensions: real time, available energy, presence, and conscious decisions. Your score is the percentage of the maximum. The breakdown shows which type of priority is most lacking.
All the quiz questions
In a typical week, how much time do you both spend truly together (no work, screens, or third parties)?
When you have free energy at the end of the day, what do you usually do with it?
When a plan with friends, work, or family clashes with couple time, what usually wins?
Do you have fixed rituals — dinner, a walk, a call — that you protect even when the week is chaotic?
When you're with your partner, are you truly present or mentally elsewhere?
Have you postponed something important for your partner (a date, a trip, a conversation) due to other responsibilities more than three times in the last month?
Does your partner feel they are a priority for you? (If you don't know — when did you last ask?)
When making big decisions (job, move, commitments), does the impact on the relationship factor in?
- Gottman, J. M. — The Relationship Cure (connection rituals and love maps)
- Perel, E. — Mating in Captivity (balancing autonomy and connection)
Frequently asked questions
How much weekly time is enough for a couple?
There's no universal number, but the Gottman Institute recommends at least 6 hours of genuine connection per week (not just co-presence): conversations, dates, rituals. Quality matters more than quantity.
What if work or children make it impossible?
Life circumstances reduce available time, but small rituals — ten minutes of real conversation, a midday message — make a difference. Consistent intention matters more than hours.
How do I tell my partner I don't feel like a priority?
With specific facts and without accusations: "When you cancel our plans, I feel like I'm not a priority." That's more effective than "you never listen to me."
What about your relationship?
Take the quiz and discover your compatibility, communication, and future in minutes.